How many of us ladies came up to our partners one day with a copy of a swinger’s magazine and said “honey, doesn’t this look fun? Let’s get into Swinging!!!’ I didn’t think so. As my husband Glen and I have always said over the years... for the most part, it is the man that brings up the issue, but it is the woman who keeps the couple involved. After we go through thinking that we are not loved, not sexual enough or that he is just a dog, we discuss it further.
Why do we go through this? Well to start, women are not brought up to know the beauty of sex! We were blessed with these soft, sensuous, wonderfully sensitive bodies and then told the feelings they give us are bad. We were told not to enjoy them with each other and not even with ourselves (can you smell the fire and brimstone?). We were brought up that sex is only for procreation and/or when our husband comes home drunk or just demands sex. (Of course, not all men are like this, I am using this as an example.) Aren’t you glad you don’t have to live like that?!
Acceptance of ourselves and our bodies is a process of UNLEARNING all the negative gobbledegoop we were taught. We had to learn that sex is not something to be ashamed of and that those wonderful tingling sensations are good and NORMAL. If we find ourselves admiring another man or woman and the vibration starts, don’t worry, we are not possessed by Satan; we are feeling a normal human reaction. Yes, it’s OK to admire that gorgeous guy across the room. In fact, you can talk to him, dance with him and take it as far as you like.
The wonderful thing is that once we have gone though the myriad of changes, we find that we experience a freedom of unparalleled boundaries!!! We no longer see it as our partners not being happy with us, but as a growth experience for both of us. Our partners probably notice a change also. Women who were shy and timid, slowly come out of their shells and become more confident and assured of themselves. Your personal sex lives get even steamier as you talk about the possibilities and later the experiences you have. This Community empowers women!
Of course, we sometimes find that our partners get a little mixed up as we blossom. Usually the men come into swinging with visions of nubile nymphs, all calling his name. The fact is that most men cannot compete with women. Most men can only cum so much and then they have to rest. Whereas, women can be multi-orgasmic! You may be at a party and he is spent and you are still ready to rumble! There he sits, with a limp dick and hurt feelings because you may not be ready to go. Compromise and discuss your partners feelings, because, this is a feeling he probably did not anticipate having. Grow together!! Communicate! Communicate!! Communicate!!!
Ladies, you are the glue that holds this community together! You don’t believe it?! Picture a swinger’s dance, house party, or convention without women.... Now we are not saying this for you to put on a crown and armor, declare yourself Zeena, Queen of the Penis and tell your partner to feed you grapes (unless you both enjoy it, if that’s the case, may we suggest unseeded grapes)! It’s just a fact!!! This is a Queen’s Court. You, as a woman, have the opportunity to live, laugh and UNLEARN all of the negative things we were taught as children.
So ladies… don’t feel as if you were dragged into this community by some bizarre horny toad of a man who is only out for himself. Remember, he was caring enough to mention this to you. Married “single” swingers, if you would only take the time to caringly discuss this issue with your wives, you may not have to sneak out of the house with a lie. We say “may” because nothing is absolute and this lifestyle is not for everyone. But if you communicate with your partner and show her that this is not just for you, but for her also, you could be on your way to a wondrous journey together. No hiding, no shame, no lies, no guilt! Think about it! The truth will give you freedom.
Yes, the man is usually the one who brings up the subject, that is because men are brought up less sexually repressed than women. But it is the woman, who ultimately has the final say. Embrace this power ladies. Do not use it to hurt, use it to enhance. We live in a wonderful world filled with beautiful people. Sex is normal, sex is good. Once you take those small steps to sexual freedom, you will find your partner and you experiencing a journey together that is unparalleled by anything that the “straights” enjoy. The total freedom to enjoy the mutual satisfaction of another person if you so desire. The warmth, the mental stimulation and the red hot passion. It’s all there for us, just waiting for us to conjure the love and understanding that we all have. Breathe it in and enjoy life!!!
I will close with this joke…
At 7pm a husband brings his wife to a swing party, kicking and screaming. At 7am, the next morning, the woman is dragged from the swing party, kicking and screaming!
We welcome your feedback. You can write to us at toniglen@friendshipexpress.com or visit our other blog ToniGlen.com. While you're at it, a good way to meet swingers is to visit http://friendshipexpress.com/ .
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