Soap Box - Single Men Are Not Swingers
Toni and Glen
Hi Guys, I just stumbled across your site by accident but what a surprise. We are "Internet Veterans" and have been around these boards since 1996. I've never seen one as comprehensive covering so many areas of the lifestyle. I'm sure you have been commended many times, please add one more to the list!.
I read each article from top to bottom and went away knowing a little more than I did before I got here, that's not the norm with most of these sites. I do have one comment I wanted to make only because you seem to have a sincere and committed interest in the lifestyle and I think you can appreciate all views, weather you agree or not.
I agreed with 95% of everything you say, and that's a pretty good percentage considering the volume of information. I had a problem with the "single male" aspect, may it's a regional thing but here in Florida the large majority of couples do NOT entertain single men. We have had two local "lifestyle clubs" (You are right "Fuck Clubs" is not a word we need to be using) close their doors on Friday nights, Why? On Friday's single men were admitted, on Saturdays they were forbidden. They closed due to lack of business, and the only reason there was no business was directly attributed to single men. (This fact is openly discussed on Saturday's when the places are a mob scene.)
My personal feelings are this; I don't recognize single men as "
swingers" (Like they care what I recognize LOL) In many of your articles you discussed the many facets of the lifestyle that go far beyond the sexual aspect, and much of it was all based around a "couple relationship" the sharing and communication between TWO individuals. I could not agree more. In my "humble" opinion a single man in the lifestyle is not a swinger, he just a single man that is horny, and although I'm not a physiologist, nor do I play one on TV, I think these are men who can't deal with women on a full time, adult level. So they spend their lives in pursuit of a quick two hour affair. I can't recall how many ads/profiles I've read where a single male is looking for a female partner we can swing with, and whine how hard they are to find? I would think they would want to find a partner period, and if somewhere down the road the relationship gravitated to swinging fine. With these men sex is their primary focus, not a relationship. I know there are exceptions to every rule, but my from what I've seen personally what I've described is the rule, not the exception.
You brought out some great points about the lifestyle, it's acceptance, and how others might view it based on terminology, as well as other aspects. The only time being in the lifestyle ever makes me feel uncomfortable is when I'm leered at, or approached by a single man and made to feel like a cheap whore. (Not to count the hundreds of offensive e-mail I've received, figuring many of these creeps are just fools out to bother people) I truly feel that single men are the thorn on the lifestyle rose. Hey that's it, I'll put the soapbox back under the bed and again say thanks for the many informative articles.
Rhonda Tampa, Florida
From Toni and Glen
Hello Rhonda,
I agree with you that many couples do not relate to single men as swingers, per se. However many couples do include single men in their activities, and thus help to enhance their relationship.
I do agree with you that many single men are just in it for sex. There is no denying it. But there is room for many single men in this lifestyle for those couples who seek them out. You could consider them more like another "tool" for enjoyment. No different than that of a vibrator, massage oil, and the like. Some couples do use other "equipment" to enhance their relationship, and singles (that includes single females) can be a viable part.
It's not for you, and that's OK.
No one single activity defines our lifestyle. It runs the whole gammut... some people like chocolate, while others like bananas. It's all a matter of taste. To dictate a "specific" definition as to what defines a swinger, and who we should "play" with would limit our freedom, and in the far reaches of time, invite "Talibanism".
Just our two cents...
Toni and Glen
Hi There!!!
As such, I know I'm an anomaly: a male who, while not single, swings singly, with full disclosure to (and permission of) his partner. I have had much fun within the Metro Milwaukee swinging community, because I have always acted within the guidelines you so eloquently express in your "Advice to Single Males".
I must say I disagree with Rhonda. Yes, many single men are NOT swingers. But, a few, like myself, am. I focus on friendships FIRST. Am I a horny devil? YES! But I need friends, too, and far better to make friends with folks who understand what libido is. :) If nothing sexual happens, you've still made a friend, and that's far more valuable than anything else.
Best of luck, love and lust to you both!
AldousPolyamorous Hedonist,Madison, WI
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